ADHD & Bi-Polar Diagnosis

I always knew I had something deeper inside of me, something that allowed me to feel things on a deeper level with heightened senses. My brain hyper-fixates on a million things and deep dives into a billion different scenarios, all the the while making me appear awkward or moody. Because there is so much happening in my brain, my exterior can present either an inviting or uninviting presence. Some say I don't seem approachable. Some say I am a busy-body. Some have said I am rude, a bitch, and passive aggressive. All things I take internally and reflect on every day. Damn those facial expressions!

After seeing various therapists for over a decade, the truth is, none of them have told me I am any of those things. Its the internal and intrusive thoughts that enter my brain all day that tell me what kind of person I am dealing with. My intuition kicks in and I react to people who are otherwise toxic.

As a Scorpio, I am usually analyzing everyone in the room at all times. Reading the body language, their speaking tone, the energy they are giving, and catching their eyes if possible. If they establish a positive interaction, we are usually good to go. But if their energy brings in toxicity, Houston - we have a problem.

I have chosen to stick with the same antidepressant I have been on since 2010. I have managed panic disorder since then, some months I am good and some days aren't so great. I live in a highly stressful environment that is not conducive to my overall wellbeing honestly, and because of all the various energies around me daily, I suffer more than I should. The only way I know how to change it, is to change my path. Its very scary to change the path I am on because that path includes financial stability. I know what I am making, I know what I can do, and I know I am okay. I have to rely on myself at the end of the day. I have been tripped up too many times before.

Aside from my day job, I am diving into other streams of income to see if I can do something else that gives me an improved quality of life. I am pivoting slowly to see where this new journey will land me. I started Triple Moon back in 2020, and recently came up with The Divine Rebel from a reading I had. They called me a Divine Rebel, and it spoke to me. I felt this was a sign. So I am combining both, each one will serve as a different facet.

This is the ADHD talking of course. This is the side of me that thinks she can do many things all at once. But I want to use this energy to create something, instead of being scared of it and medicating it out of me.

I just want to say if you have been following me and supporting me, thank you so much. I overthink this journey so much, but a part of me is like - just do it, who cares! So here I am, keeping this train going. I will be diving back into t-shirt designs soon, so keep an eye out for that on my blog or home page.